As a Goddess of Luv, Calfrodite gets a lot of questions. To help out you love lorn mortals, here are some of the answers. We do not guarantee, however, that these were the questions you were asking!
Q: Dear Calfrodite, I'm curious. Which of the glamorous actresses seen on this web site are single?
A: The ones that aren't married, of course!
Q: Calfrodite, are Xena Warrior Milkmaid and Gabby the Swiss Miss like, you know, the other Xena and Gabrielle? I mean, do they have the same type of relationship?
A: Yes, which means that we aren't telling.
Q: Dear Calfrodite, I'm interested in dating a strong woman. What does a Valkyrie Girl look for in a man?
A: Lots of money and stamina1. A Valkyrie Girl wants to milk her man for all he's worth.
Q: Calfrodite, I've fallen hard for a guy whose a total Goth. But he doesn't even know I exist. What's the best way to get to his heart?
A: Shove a wooden steak into his stomach and push up. Wait... this is Xena Warrior Milkmaid, not Beefy the Vampire Slayer. Next question.
Q: Calfrodite, HELP! I've been a real beef jerky, and my girlfriend dumped me. How do I win her love again?
A: Try a candle light dinner. And remember, nothing brings your baby back like ribs!
Q: Calfrodite, I've fallen in love with this guy, but I'm not sure that he's Mr. Right. How can I tell?
A: You'll know when he looks pasteurize and into your heart.
Q: Dear Calfrodite, I hate to admit this, but I am the udder woman - that is, I'm having an affair with a married man. I love him, but I have to know. Will he ever leave his wife for me?
A: Get real! Who's going to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?
Q: Dear Calfrodite, between Xena Warrior Milkmaid and Hercowles, who is love's greatest hero?
A: Actually, love's greatest hero is Sir Loin. He was a man of the cloth. Among his other amazing feats, he led the world's first love crusade. He eventually captured the heart of Constantinople and renamed it Istan-bull. He was martyred three days later when a herd of gropies - I mean groupies - tore him apart. The day he died is often referred to as the Saint Vealentine's Day Mascara. To this day, he is the patron saint of Luv und Milk und Honey... und chocolate sauce... und whip cream... und several other condiments useful outside the kitchen2.
Q: Where's the beef?
A: I think you're parents are better qualified to answer that question3.
Q: Got milk?
A: Obviously you haven't seen any pictures of me, have you?
Hoof-notes
1. The stamina is for shopping! A lot of walking and carrying is involved when a Valkyrie Girl decides to sack the malls.
2. For picnics, of course. Women love men who barbecue. Kiss the cook!
3. Several answers for this question came to mind, but none of them where fit for public consumption.